Please Don't Hurt Me

Quiet now... Quiet...

I am typing on a laptop that the tall one mistakenly left on the table... I am typing slowly and softly, my eyes darting nervously to-and-fro.

I have been taken hostage!

By their countenance and vocabulary I have to assume they are rival scientists from the laboratory down the avenue. They have spray-painted over my eyes, and stuffed mittens in my ear-holes. I can only pray that this keyboard is QWERTY. If it is not, I implore those among my loyal, loving and loyal readers that are expert codebreakers to crack the following riddle and post it for all to see on www.google.com:

"Please don't hurt me! Waa! Waaaa!"

Ohhh, no, no no... One of them is back... He is snuffling around in the corner, scraping the floor with his hoof... He sounds so very drunk... I'm already dead! Save yourself, dear reader! Oh, dearest sky-god, I beseech you, swoop down and administer lightning bolt after lightning bolt of your terrible judgment on my cruel, pink captors!

respectfully yours,

H. Ulysses N.