Differences The Game

Differences! Many, many things are different and it is our task to reveal how!

Marble Busts vs. Committees

Difference #1! Marble busts are small statues of important persons' faces. Committees are groups of people who decide things.
Difference #2! Marble busts can be used to bludgeon animals and telephones that won't stop ringing. Committees cannot be physically wielded.
Difference #3! Marble busts are nice to look at, so long as they are depicting a handsome face. Committees can be composed of many people with faces of varying degrees of handsomeness.

Actually that last one was nearly a similarity. So we lose! Ha, well done everybody!

HUN

A Night to Remember

I've been on 3 dates before. Two have been completely blocked from my memory (I only know that they happened because of the community newspaper), and one was last night. It went like this:

Stepping through the bead-curtain, I scanned the Jamaican/Grecian eatery called 'Pizza Peninsula' for a suitably alone woman. Mostly red-faced heavy breathing types, save for one regal little jazz-muffin at the far corner. Without a moment's though, I walked purposefully towards her, trying to blind her with confidence.

Success! I sat down and wasn't maced!

The following conversation is transcribed for your experiencing pleasure:

HN: Ah haha, I'd ask if this seat was taken, but I know it is, now, by me!

Woman: That's... true.

HN: (suddenly nervous, feeling the adrenaline tablet wearing off) I ... wrote that line four years ago.

Woman: ... It held up pretty well.

HN: (Talks chapeau off and looks down modestly) Thank you.

Woman: ...

...

HN: ...

-----

We dutch'd of course.

Those Infernal Metaphors...

They gave me what must be analogous to a simile of the swine fluenza! Coff! Sneezzle!

I will type more later when my keyboard isn't ensconsed in a quivering matrix of thick yellow mucous.

Stand-by, Herbromaniacs & Norwegaphiles.

I Used a Metaphor

Read that last blob good and hard, do you notice anything? Ah ha, of course you didn't, simpleton, so let me tell you: I used a metaphor!

The "kidnappers" (which turned out to be a swallow of piglets, by the way) were nothing more than pungent, oinking analogies! Most of them represented fear, and I believe that at least one of them represented low self-esteem.

Now, you armchair psychoanalysts may have some high-falutin' theories as to why I day-dreamed my way into mortal danger, and I accept that. I've been known to falut occasionally myself! But before you judge, I pray you to keep in mind that I am but a man. A terrified, self-loathing little man with such crippling social anxieties that he spits up into his cupped hands when he so much as receives mail.

Hello Google? Please strike that last paragraph from Internet. Many thanks.

HuN

Please Don't Hurt Me

Quiet now... Quiet...

I am typing on a laptop that the tall one mistakenly left on the table... I am typing slowly and softly, my eyes darting nervously to-and-fro.

I have been taken hostage!

By their countenance and vocabulary I have to assume they are rival scientists from the laboratory down the avenue. They have spray-painted over my eyes, and stuffed mittens in my ear-holes. I can only pray that this keyboard is QWERTY. If it is not, I implore those among my loyal, loving and loyal readers that are expert codebreakers to crack the following riddle and post it for all to see on www.google.com:

"Please don't hurt me! Waa! Waaaa!"

Ohhh, no, no no... One of them is back... He is snuffling around in the corner, scraping the floor with his hoof... He sounds so very drunk... I'm already dead! Save yourself, dear reader! Oh, dearest sky-god, I beseech you, swoop down and administer lightning bolt after lightning bolt of your terrible judgment on my cruel, pink captors!

respectfully yours,

H. Ulysses N.

My Autobiography

A good title is always crucial in the high-stakes world of competitive literature. I've been writing my autobiography in my mind since I was born, and now all I require is to birth it unto the physical realm and christen it. What follows is 8-10 (6) ideas, pregnant with potential:

- Scarf: The Herbert U. Norway Chronicles
- Two Heaping Tablespoons of Fresh Herb
- The Story of the Angriest Man Who Ever Lived and How No One Has Remembered His Birthday Ever
- Ulysses 2
- It's Entirely Your Fault I'm This Way
- The Hate-Glass is Half Full: Confessions of an Incurably Optimistic Misanthrope

Wow, are you as riveted as I already am?

Computers made of bacteria.
Computers made of BACTERIA.
Computers made of BACTERIA!
COMPUTERS MADE OF BACTERIA!!!

I could smell this coming a mile away, yet I still could not even begin to prepare for it.

Computers made out of bacteria.

Save us.