have you ever?

Have you ever slept in a willow tree?
Have you ever made a girl cry just by approaching her?
Have you ever gotten so angry at the people you thought were your friends that you just screamed as hard as you could until your eyes bugged out of your skull and your tongue went ivory?

Those of us who have done these things are in a rare canoe indeed, and we need to stick together. E-mail me at herbertnorway@gmail.com. I am a scientist who dabbles in the music industry, and I have a mahogony cabinet with a mostly full bottle of 12-year old Scotch and one of those smallish bottles of Amaretto. It's rather old. Is it possible for cream liqueurs to go bad?

it is made of velvet

I spent over seven hours in the laundromat today washing my hunting-cape repeatedly to eliminate the stains, and while there I was afforded the opportunity to peruse an aged copy of Teen People magazine. These children virtually sparkle with health.

"quote."

I dined with The Concierge last evening for the first time since the Unpleasantries. His temperament was typically foul, but we eventually found common-ground near the bottom of a large bottle of red and began chatting like giddy school-chums. The night was passing swimmingly until I, lips loosened by the wine, made a passing, derogatory remark about Boyz II Men's first LP 'Cooleyhighharmony'. At this, tensions heightened noticeably and he muttered something about my tastes being suspect. Figuring this to be an attack on my new found professional life, I bade him good-day.

I was still so distraught the next morning that when "the band" asked for a quotation for their "press kit", I hollered a string of near-random vulgarities and made a personal remark about the Beatle-haired boy's weight.